[ sometimes I can hold my tongue
sometimes not ]
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[ sometimes I can hold my tongue sometimes not ]
I read: |
college student. (english literature, dance, education)
quite fond of: friends and family (and where the lines blur) poetry the bay area dance (for life and always) eating constantly party time (excellent!) retail therapy olympic level procrastination wandering in libraries sleeping at odd hours emotional masochism Youtube Last.fm
Poetry Excerpts from "Sound Off" chapbook. Poetry Workshop I, Mills College, August-November 2009. Copyright 2009, all rights reserved. "Progression"
As a
repeated chest pelting
supposition
early onset dementia
bewildered iris
mission statement
as
Horizon line
Testament not old not new
Ampersand
Technology etching That’s enough for today.
"unscheduled" tight
"strangers"
this glass was blown and cut and formed
"Chicken Chow Mein" Nothing is delivered without cost.
[ cohesion and concreteness
Ideals are minimal. Intangible. Disintegrating.
Your fortune: Only you can change your life. No one can do it for you.
It is quite the reasonable goal,
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Monday, April 10, 2006
(yes, i figured out how to soak my ear by balacing it on my shoulder!)i was just watching Oprah today, about the music video girl and Pink talking about stupid girls, and they were talking ot teenagers who were from Florida and yeah, we're intelligent, but were percieved as that "stupid girl". because they had the act DOWN. it really, really makes you think. especially, being a feminist, but a self described "pretty" one, its like...where does that line get drawn between what is you and what's an act? it's ALL an act. and i know. i'm a walking contradiction. i am very much that stupid girl, because i do put it on. why? i really don't know anymore. esepcially for guys, but i have so few guy friends now. it's strange. but i mean, looking pretty and talking about ugly people and worrying aboug weight and hair and skin and makeup and clothes, is life, yes, but its like...you have to draw that line. and it's so vague. it really is. it's like none of us know who we are anymore. and if you're lost and this is something to identify yourself as and people wil "like" you for it, of course that's what you'd choose! you have to love yourself before you can love othersers, you know. same thing with that inner peace such and such. *ends zen moment* but i have totally rejected that a-list hollywood thing. i seriously do hate most of those skinny bitchy sluts that some girls consider role models..it just makes me SO sad. it really does. it's wrong and twisted and just really, really fucked up! i hate it! so baccd! jessica britner paris nicole niky ashlee skank ho! and they get famous for nothing, talenteless bitches! i mean, on the other hand, there's models, and i actually repsect thir industry, and you hvae to FIGHT for that. yyes, the eating disorder/alcoholism/drugs are part of it, but i mean, its not like it's gonna change any time soon. you can't be unrealistic now. it seems werid, because you know what, i AM weird. i'm confortable with my weirdness. and i mean, ive kinda stopped censoring myelf, and its like hey, whoever likes me, likes me. i guess, i need to be afraid that what i'm saying is going to upset anyone. you know what. fuck it. i know what i am. and i mean, yes, if it contradicts, it does. it's MY life and if you have a problem with it, suck my left one! it's not like i care! it's your issue. can't be bothered with other people's issues. got my own. but at least i know that i'm not typical in a lot of ways. i live for that. i really do. i couldn't stand it to be a total idiot and not even know. that ignorance makes me really sad. i just really wanted to say that. i'm tearing pictures out of magasines to make a sort of collage thing of sorts, but its like what am i gonna do with it? put pieces of it tobether with some of this blog entry and send it in? i have no clue. i'm posting this as a myspace bulletin. because i mean, i want my online friends AND people at school to see this. it's time for sometone to actually be REAL. and if it's going to me...it's going to be me. |
