[ sometimes I can hold my tongue
sometimes not ]
twisted insights 5.0
Break the terror break the terror break the terror of the urban spell
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[ sometimes I can hold my tongue sometimes not ]
I read: |
college student. (english literature, dance, education)
quite fond of: friends and family (and where the lines blur) poetry the bay area dance (for life and always) eating constantly party time (excellent!) retail therapy olympic level procrastination wandering in libraries sleeping at odd hours emotional masochism Youtube Last.fm 
Poetry Excerpts from "Sound Off" chapbook. Poetry Workshop I, Mills College, August-November 2009. Copyright 2009, all rights reserved. "Progression"
As a
repeated chest pelting
supposition
early onset dementia
bewildered iris
mission statement
as
Horizon line
Testament not old not new
Ampersand
Technology etching That’s enough for today.
"unscheduled" tight
"strangers"
this glass was blown and cut and formed
"Chicken Chow Mein" Nothing is delivered without cost.
[ cohesion and concreteness
Ideals are minimal. Intangible. Disintegrating.
Your fortune: Only you can change your life. No one can do it for you.
It is quite the reasonable goal,
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Text credits: Tori Amos Recent posts:
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Wednesday, December 29, 2004
ah...it is 2:38 in the morning, my sleep cycle is totally and utterly fucked. Hm. oh well!no plans for tommrow, besides some light cleaning and working on my novel project...hm. okay. I spent today sleeping, watching tv, and then cleaning for 3 and 1/2 hours while watching SATC (volume 3, season 4 baby!) and eating a candy cane. ONE candy cane. and putting on a ballet skirt and mardi gras beads. (i was alone. and i was cute too, if i do say so myself. and my mom said.) Mom said I could go to the city if I cleaned the living room...and i did! she was seriously freaked out, she thought i was going to lay on my ass and eat. (i did anything but! hahaha). So...i should be asleep, but i won't be, i was reading anyway (this book called Summertime, by Raffaella Barker. it's in england. jolly fun.) I just wanted to post this diary entry of Alanis Morissette's, and do the reflection that she posted. (her words in italics). she's in asia, but missed all the tragedy. On a sad note...my thoughts and prayers to those lost, missing, injured, lost homes and possesions, their families...just everyone. it's hard to find something to say in times like this. it's unfathomable. i can't belive it myself...a wave could just take people away like that. it's so scary. it could have happened here, we're right on the bay. you just never know. *flower* the diary entry... December 28th, 2004 hi everyone, writing to you from bali. resting up a storm here in this tropical heaven. everything from the food (took balinese cooking class) to the flowers (frangipani and cempaka--my faves), people (gracious and greet you with such honor), the weather (rainstorms with thunder louder than anything i've ever heard), to the snakes (greeted ryan at our door the other day), to the jungle (so many layers of green), to the altars everywhere (facing northeast in the homes and structures, and filled with fresh flowers every day), to the water everywhere ("water is very important to the balinese" i was told), and last but not least, the company (how great is it to spend uninterrupted time with ryan please)--has been incredible. i'm also reading a book called "do i have to give up me to be loved by god" by margaret paul and i am LOVING it. since stepping away from a lot of the rigidity as i see it of religion (or "spiritual abuse" as margaret calls it), i have been struggling to create a real sense of CONSISTENT connection with spirit...and i feel so supported in doing that by margaret and her "inner bonding" process. nice. i felt so pulled to check in with you, through this site..and although i do it telepathically all the time, there's nothing like formally doing it here. transition times have always felt so fragile and exciting to me...and there is no better marked a time of transition than the new year starting. i send you an invitation to reflect, alongside of me, on all that transpired in this last year. -what were the things you were proud of (your evolution, your expression(s), your courage, your changes, growths, healings, experiences etc)? I do think i've changed a lot in a year, and i'm proud of the fact that i'm realizing where i'm at as a person, and if i'm ready for something, i'll try it, and if i'm just not ready, i'll stop, even if other people are going ahead without me. -what things are you grateful for (people, events, your body, mentors, family, your dog, your being alive etc)? I'm just happy for each day, a new chance to do something new, because we just shouldn't take these hours for granted anymore. we can't afford to. I love my friends and family so much...you just give me something more. -what things do you forgive yourself for? I forgive myself for not living up to the unrealistic goals that i set for myself sometimes. -is there anyone you'd like to reach out to, to apologize to, or to express how you feel about them to before the year ends? Alison - just don't grow up too fast, girl. Taylor - ditto. you're my baby sister. Mom and Dad - take care of yourselves. you deserve it. To the male race - i don't hate you. i'm just scared, and not happy with being scared. -how are you different this december than you were last december 2003? I am SO different...i've changed enviroments (school wise) and i know that I can handle it, i can deal with people, and i can grow into the person i want to be. I'm happier with myself that i used to be. -how did you take better care of yourself this year? I started looking at what i really needed, and and i wanted, and tried to let go of what other people were forcing on me, and find myself. i'm still looking. and looking forward to 2005, -what is your intention for this coming year (to love more fiercely--yourself first of course--than ever before, to slow down, to acknowledge yourself more, to express yourself in new ways etc)? I would love to continue growing in this new way i've discovered. -what area of your life needs attention from you (relationships, your home, your creative personal expression, your spirituality, your friendships etc)? I want to get closer to God. I also think i would like to fall in love. I think i've reached a point where i can do it. -what things can you do this year that bring you a great sense of joy and purpose (if it's purpose without joy, i'd encourage you to keep looking ? Dancing and write. give to others. Just give all that I can. -what talent or gift is sitting in your back pocket that you've not yet expressed, that you may want to in 2005? -what scary and exciting thing has been beckoning you, that you may take the risk of checking out this coming year (sports, reaching out to someone, trying something new etc)? -what can you be grateful for IN ADVANCE, knowing that it's on its' way to you (something that you know will benefit you and others, in that order)? I want to show my own work in dance, and make my poetry/songs/articles public. I would be nice to change something. i send you love in your lookings-in, know that i am with you, and SO excited about 2005. 2005 marks the 10th anniversary of jagged little pill's release..and i will be doing many things to honor that record and that time period. one of which will be re-issuing jagged little pill in its' entirety acoustically (including the hidden track) and the other is to release a greatest hits' album most likely at the end of 2005 with a new song (i'll keep you posted). will hit the new year's ground running with the show "we're with the band"--i just signed a deal with comedy central along with my friends johanna stein, brian blondell, and jeff rosenthal (and we're in the process of writing/casting it)...it is a show based on the many experiences had over the last 2 decades of touring and experiencing this funny/intense/unusual/poignant lifestyle of mine...the show will be "fictionalized autobiography" as i like to call it. and the scenes will be structured/written..with much room for improvisation. my fantasy all wound up into a show.can't wait to work that closely with my friends. and i can't wait to share it. many other things percolating too, one of which is much more interactivity with you online and on conference/telegathering calls, and i will share all the details of that with you as it fleshes out. in the meantime, know that i send you tons of love in your journeys, you are in my heart and prayers each day. may 2005 hold everything you could possibly muster up in your wildest imagination and then some. so with you, alanis xoxoxo So with you. I like that. : ) Much peace and love to you all, and have a happy new year! |
