[ sometimes I can hold my tongue
sometimes not ]
twisted insights 5.0
Break the terror break the terror break the terror of the urban spell
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[ sometimes I can hold my tongue sometimes not ]
I read: |
college student. (english literature, dance, education)
quite fond of: friends and family (and where the lines blur) poetry the bay area dance (for life and always) eating constantly party time (excellent!) retail therapy olympic level procrastination wandering in libraries sleeping at odd hours emotional masochism Youtube Last.fm 
Poetry Excerpts from "Sound Off" chapbook. Poetry Workshop I, Mills College, August-November 2009. Copyright 2009, all rights reserved. "Progression"
As a
repeated chest pelting
supposition
early onset dementia
bewildered iris
mission statement
as
Horizon line
Testament not old not new
Ampersand
Technology etching That’s enough for today.
"unscheduled" tight
"strangers"
this glass was blown and cut and formed
"Chicken Chow Mein" Nothing is delivered without cost.
[ cohesion and concreteness
Ideals are minimal. Intangible. Disintegrating.
Your fortune: Only you can change your life. No one can do it for you.
It is quite the reasonable goal,
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Tuesday, January 12, 2010
i've been reading fanfiction lately. how terribly embarrassing. i'm working. i hate it. i have to go back to school soon. i hate that. i'm still missing her. i might hate that most. taking care of my mother while she recovers from surgery is very much like working with a child. this is only a slight deviation from our normal dynamic. i feel like i live so many lives simultaneously. i wonder if my life experiences will increase exponentially and eventually it will get to be too much. i'm scared of irrational things, like the world ending. maybe it'll help to see it in writing. i'm so scared i'll never find anyone better suited for me than her. i don't know if i fucked it all up or if she's fucked up or if we just weren't perfectly fucked up together like i thought we were. it's strange, hating yourself but not in the same instant. i cannot imagine that everyone else thinks this much. i feel like life is just easier for some people. that's an unfair assumption. gah. i want to change my hair. i want to change everything sometimes. i'm going to argentina. que bueno! i'll be selling discount jeans in a few hours. hopefully purchasing some in the city a few hours after that. God, my good friends hold me together sometimes. the numbers are small, but they're my everything. i feel like i could break my mother's heart a million times. if my life was ever truly falling apart, she's not the one i'd turn to. i'm holding her together. i cannot falter. i feel like so much is asked of me, and at the same time, i've been given everything i've ever wanted (with the exception of one person). back and forth. between two extremes. Bronques is still right. maybe he'd offer a line before snapping pictures of my tits. he seems like a gentleman, that way. no one's a gentleman anymore. i can't tell whether it's beyond my time to rebound or the right time to. i'm never goign to be untarnished again, so i may as well stick my fingers in and get filthy. in the literal sense. (scandalous!) this isn't one of my favorite songs by fiona, i just need another tortured soul to step in for now. i feel like i'm exploding thoughts onto this page. too much word vomit. i feel like i'm going to actually vomit a lot of the time. i feel frail. not healthy. i may also watch too much Grey's. i'm not always one for doing things in moderation (though i am sometimes quite successful). |
